I wish I could teleport
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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