when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
there is glitter all over my balls
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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