How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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