My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
