Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Couch. On fire.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
