Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
