Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
