i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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