I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
