Porn is love you can see.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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