Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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