12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
