For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
