Yo dont text me then not text me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
