The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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