In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
