According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
