Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
