And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
