your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
