listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
