Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
