The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
