in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
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I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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