I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
