great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
