I don't usually arrange sex via text message
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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