i just sent this text using only my big toe
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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