Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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