i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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