I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
