Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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