i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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