We're facebook friends in real life
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
