is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
