good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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