I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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