after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
