i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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