Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
