Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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