I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
