My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize