Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
