She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
