Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
