There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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