You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Non-Jews are for practice
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Randomize
