i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
