I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
