Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
