4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
