He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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