Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
