i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
