I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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