apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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