If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
