you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
