we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
