my room smells like sperm. sweet.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sorry about my life...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
