We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
