im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
