Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
